What happens when you have family members or people around you that just do not like you? What do you do next? In my mind, family is everything. One’s family supports you through the rough times, encourages you to keep going when you want to give up, and gives you a pat on the back when you do a good job. Family is defined by more than a bloodline. But what happens when you do not get validation, support and approval from your own flesh and blood? The politically correct answer is FORGIVE!!! But being that I’m not very politically correct and I am also not saintly, my answer is: Get mad first, cool off second, then try to forgive third. I said try to forgive because forgiveness is a process. It can be a very frustrating thing when a family member just does not like you, or when someone who is a friend turns out to be everything but a friend. I am filled with fresh anger every time someone shows me that their intentions for me are bad.
You see, my anger is very easily lit. The smallest thing can make me erupt, but after a short while, I come back to my senses and begin to think calmly. This is phase two. After venting, yelling and saying “I don’t believe he or she could have done that to me,” then comes time to cool off. Focus your energy on something else. For me I try praying, watching TV, listening to music, talking to close friends and everything out there that can distract me. This is where reality TV soothes my soul. Don’t laugh at me.
Phase three is really the hardest. After I’ve cooled off, then comes the difficult task of beginning to forgive. You see forgiveness is tough. Forgiveness to me means even if you try me again tomorrow, I will not respond to you harshly because I have chosen to understand that you just don’t like me, you never will like me and you are not capable of anything good at the moment. When you understand the reason behind people’s actions then it becomes easier to forgive. Most people that hurt others are coming from a place of hurt. Now I am no fool. I will not willingly put myself in a situation where I would get hurt. If I know you do not like me, I will stay far far away from you. I am nobody’s hero. I said I was trying to forgive, not trying to be a martyr. One who hurts others has this mindset: “Because I am not happy with my life, I do not want you to be happy with your life, so I will make your life a living hell.” But no one can make your life hell except you allow it (at least from an emotional standpoint). Don’t let anyone take your happy away. So free yourself from the emotional chains. It could be a jerk of an ex-boyfriend, an annoying jealous friend, or even siblings that don’t like you and are holding you back. Stop letting people make you miserable. Choose to understand their point of view, set up high, tight boundaries, then go on and live a happy life. If you hold a grudge, it will eat away at your soul. Trust me, I’ve tried it, lived it, got the t-shirt, wore it and tried to sell it, and it isn’t cute.
So choose your path today my friends.
Forgiving Thinking Momma